I finally finished this post, and it only took half as long as it did for Sleeping At Last to create his entire Enneagram album! This thesis has been met with a wide range of reactions, from full-on support (mostly my boyfriend + one friend) to a girl who self-identifies as a 2 who, upon hearing the song that corresponds with her number from this album, said succinctly, “no, Sleeping At Last’s is better.” (She obviously has a 1 wing). In honor of Ariana Grande being nominated for way more superlatives than Taylor Swift at the close of 2019, here is my take on why Thank U, Next is a better analysis of the Enneagram than Sleeping At Last’s album of the same name (Enneagram, not Thank U, Next). You can listen along to my ordered playlist here.

imagine 

I struggled with this song a little bit, because it feels so escapist and—ahem—imaginative. I thought that maybe it was indicative of a 6, with its longing for safety and security being found in another person/relationship. But to be honest, 6 is my hardest number to figure out, personally. And overall, the speaker is basically creating a world of ideal scenarios—even though in this case those are pad thai at midnight, bubble baths, and a time when your ex-lover isn’t dead, as opposed to justice reform, driving the speed limit, and being better than everyone else. This song still goes to my personal arch-nemesis (with whom I share the most via my wing): the One.  

needy

This one is easy. I won’t keep you in suspense. I should preface this by saying that this song’s number is most likely that of Ariana herself, so it makes it a little more personal. I know, I know, you’re not supposed to type other people. So let’s just say that I’m typing Ariana’s public persona that she reveals in social media and interviews. Is that fair? Based on the things she’s said about herself wanting everyone to love her/be her friend, the way she interacted with Piers Morgan after their Twitter battle, and even the fact that she’s a career creative (more on that one later, don’t rush me!), I feel comfortable typing her. I mean after all, I have had two dreams that we were very good friends. Some of these songs have a giveaway lyric: this one is “Tell me how good it feels to be needed.” So even though “being needy” is kind of a crappy stereotype about unhealthy twos, the reality that she reveals here is that the big draw is actually the inverse: being needed by others, at the end of the day. You got got, the Twos! 

NASA

This song was a toss-up for me between 9s and 5s—mostly because I identify with it so, so well (just ask the cat I gave up for adoption in Korea the night before I left the country). My conflation of the two makes sense after listening to the Typology and Amy Grant podcast episode (to come: blog paralleling my obsessions with the two great AGs of my life) about “stances.” Basically, both 9 and 5 fall under the “withdrawn” stance (along with 4s—we love a 4—MORE ON THAT LATER I SAID), and this song is essentially about getting into a spaceship for a little “me time.” I gave it to the Five ultimately, because 5s need more alone time on a day-to-day basis (in reference to the “I’d rather be alone tonight”). The 5s I know have no trouble whatsoever excusing themselves at 9 p.m. precisely to go take a bath, dinner company present or not; and because 5s are patently obsessed with space: it’s the last frontier and representative of a literally infinite source of new information and knowledge to be mined.  

bloodline

This one doesn’t belong to any number, and it’s the worst song (but still great). You can skip it if you want. 

fake smile

This one was a little bit too easy. It’s the one that everyone guesses right away based on the title alone (besides maybe “needy”). But we’ll go a little deeper here today. This song is a the Four—hence the discomfort with faking emotions and the inauthenticity that goes along with that which consequently rubs their sensitive little scales exactly the wrong way. This is also why she mentions that if she goes alone to the car, she won’t make it very far—that’s the classic 4 going to a 2 in stress.  But! If we think about this song as the 4 arrow in the direction of growth from Ariana’s 2, it makes sense. She has referenced making music often as central to her healing process—and Gord knows she’s had to do enough of that in the last two years. It makes sense that even as a 2, when she finds herself moving in the direction of healing, she’s drawn to that incredibly creative and productive energy that allowed her to put out two full-length studio albums within 6 months of each other.

bad idea

This song doesn’t have a number; but it will make you feel like the star of an Anime film. Listen closely for the “ari-chan” echoes. The musical interlude at the end is the *~best~* ! ^_^ 

make up

This song is about a couple who fight and then enjoy passionately making up and out. I think that it best captures the feeling of an expression of love even through exchanges that feel contentious. It also speaks to a lot of passion that a certain type can bring to their closest lovers, other relationships, and hey, even casual acquaintances. This song is the Eight! And one other thing from the perspective of AG being a 2: she told Zach Sang that she hates this song because of what it represents in relationships for her. As a two, that would be the disintegrative, stressful movement from 2 to 8. Makes sense! 

ghostin

This song also doesn’t belong to a number, because it’s just a heartbreakingly sad song. I cried real tears the first two times I listened to it. You can skip it on this listen, but you need to come back to it the next time you’re driving alone. 

in my head

Here is the part from the Enneagram Institute website that was the giveaway: “hang on to relationships of all kinds far longer than most other types,” in conjunction with the spoken intro that says “this has gone on long enough.” So idk if it’s a 6 thing to build someone up really well in your head ahead of time, which is the main point of this song, but the holding onto it and trying to make it work after the fact is def a 6 thing. OK, full disclosure, 6’s are my Achilles heel. I don’t get them at all! I probably do on a deep level as a 9 who is very familiar with moving in stress patterns, maybe that’s self denial, eh, what can I say except… (cont. in thank u, next…)

7 Rings

I have to confess, I really really wanted this one to be about 7s. It’s in the title, for goodness’ sake. Plus it’s about materialistic enjoyments and excesses. Plus, not two days before I listened to this song for the first time, a dear, dear friend of mine who IDs as a 7 had literally just told me that one of her new goals was to be able to buy herself a pair of Louboutins with her own money. a.k.a., idk, is happiness really the same price as red bottoms? You see where I’m coming from. But I think the reality is that this song, with its discussion of conventional measures of success (financial, power, career, relationship, etc), and dissection and spurning of some while going full tilt in the direction of other ones, I think means that this song goes to my dear Threes.

thank u, next

(…cont. from “in my head”) I tried to be very impartial when picking the song of my own type. I didn’t want to just be the most analytical with it since I’m speaking on behalf of just myself and not representing all of us at one time. So tbh, I did it almost last. I also don’t think that this song strikes many people who hear it on the radio as corresponding to my number. But I think the deeper meaning—a genuine thank u to the exes, wishes for their success, and gratitude for the lessons they taught us, a.k.a. maintaining the peace and connection even through a breakup, which is one of the most devastating destructions of connection out there—along with reference to the person who is “next”—her name is Ari! a.k.a. herself, a.k.a. the ultimate withdrawal of all (see above discussion on the stances)—makes me comfortable with saying that this song is for the Nines out there. Am I right? Am I wrong?? If so, please tell me. My 1 wing can’t take it anymore.

break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored

OK, don’t get mad at me. Maybe you’re doing the math and realizing that your number is last. TBH, you’re probably not, you’re probably just scanning this entire article to find your number first. Do not hate me. You are all my favorite people in the world and my closest relationships. Of course, the number that goes with this song has nothing to do with any home wrecking tendencies of this type. That’s not a thing. You’ll notice that most of these songs refer to some of the darker, shadow sides of the types, or at least rough situations—and you really can’t blame Ari for that. I also didn’t make your type last so that you had to read through my whole entire article to get to it. The only reason this song goes out to my beloved Sevens is because the singer is making some major life decisions (or at least strong statements) based purely on her own boredom and lust (literally referencing wanting to “know how you taste”). This quality makes 7s the best kind of friends to go through life with—take my word for it. 

I hope that if you’re reading this, you like either the Enneagram or Ariana Grande half as much as I do, and hopefully now you like the other one half as much, too.