Name: Benjamin Button

Nickname: The Millennial Falcon

Age: 34

Sex: You might be thinking, “a van can’t have a sex. Vans are inanimate objects.” You’d normally be right, but in this case, somehow, Benji just is a girl. She just is.

Nationality: Canadian

Likes: Adventures, The Eagles, classic Christian music, long drives, carpeted interiors, chugging gasoline, the Pueblo Reservoir, national parks, 6% grade declines.

Dislikes: going uphill, turning sharp corners, sitting still, heavy bass, prudish drivers.

Favorite color: Purple

Favorite drink: Gasoline

Celebrity crush: Rob Lowe

Secret talent: Power steering

Dream job: Mobile yoga studio/movie star

Claim to Fame: TBD